I've been deep in the bin since that time, and was afraid I wasn't going to post any progress due to tremendous amounts of self-loathing, grieving and general melancholy.
Yesterday, I decided enough was enough-- I'm tired of not feeling happy. Tired of feeling caged; tired of the anxiety; but most of all, I'm tired of feeling like I am the stick in the mud.
There isn't a lot I can do right now to change my situation; we've chosen to eliminate our existing credit card debt by the end of the year, by constricting our activities-- which for me, means giving up my hobbies for a little while. It also means not going out unless it is to get groceries (which we're trying to keep to once a month).
- Declutter the house-- almost every furniture piece in our house is a hand-me-down from my mother in law. Most of it we put to good use, but others are just taking up space.
- Find inexpensive ways to do something romantic and fun-- there are no art galleries, no museums, no parks, no events, no markets, no way to grow a garden on the cheap in this infertile ground, and my husband hates going for walks during the summer months (and who can blame him); all we've been doing is watching movies day in and out.
- Rearrange and organize my craft room-- It's a wreck, and I mean literally... see for yourself.
|As you walk in...|
|Turing to the right...|
|And to the left...|
Up until now, I just couldn't bring about the enthusiasm needed to do something about it-- hopefully I can stay on track.
I've already begun the process!
|So many projects pending to be made...|
Edited to add:
In other news, I've been a part of the fast food crew at the local Burger King for roughly three weeks now.
At first it felt good knowing I had a job, now I am starting to wonder if the stress of such a high traffic job is doing more good than bad. I really want to prove to myself that I can sustain such a job with my personality type, but I have a feeling the managers are beginning to see what I am refusing to believe; that I'm not fit for the position. My hours have been severely cut down already, and I feel like any day now they'll tell me to go on my way. With all my might I fight the urge to shut down during our peak hours; I try my best each day I am present, and haven't been late since the start. If they do end up letting me go, at least I can say I didn't falter in my determination to fit into the job. And at the very least I know that I was meant for some other type of customer service job; many customers complimented me and some even tipped me on my cordial amenability; how encouraging it is to hear such things. Some day, hopefully soon, I'll find the right job I can feel fully confident doing-- clothing retail has its problems, but it's the kind of job I feel fit to do.