Monday, May 11, 2015

Fashioning My Cyber Microcosm: Talk to Spooky.

Source: I Feel Sick
I haven't been myself... I mean, I am trying but something doesn't feel like it's clicking the way it used to anymore.

Yesterday was mother's day, and it wasn't a happy one. Amidst all the wonderful wishes of children to their mother's and mother's to their mother's, I sat there bitter and resentful.
I phoned my mother; Sunday was a particularly rough day after her chemo. The pain was obvious in her voice-- as she struggled to smile over the phone, my heart broke some more.

I am not doing a very good job of staying strong for her.
I was never a strong person; prone to anger and resentment. I blame the world, and I blame myself, and I just get jammed, inevitably inert.

Her insurance has been giving her issues, and life has been made more of a struggle because cancer does not stop the bills from coming. I help her where I can, but it doesn't stop the feeling of helplessness.

I spent a week up there a couple weeks ago to see her. I met her on the uphill of another session of chemo, so we could not spend much time out of the house-- I tended to her burns caused by the chemo and all the usual household happenings. Doctor's weren't very clear as to why the burns happened, but with a little research it would seem that the chemo was simply administered incorrectly-- causing rashes and scorches on all the sensitive skin of her body, especially the injection point.
We managed to keep them from getting infected, and the swelling down; it healed well, with the help of green tea bags and aloe gel.

I came home and my husband tells me that the issue with the sink is much more severe than just a mucky p-trap... the issue resides under the house-- neither one of us are know or qualified to tackle.
Last week, I had to help my mother with some rather substantial help because of this issue with her insurance.
My own finances are starting to show signs of wobbling, but we're alright still and we can bounce back fast if we just buckle down tight.

We get a call this morning-- we owe an inordinate amount of money from our move here to New Mexico.

Fuck.

11 comments:

  1. I'm sorry for your struggles. I'm in the hospital in the cancer ward simply because they didn't have beds in the gyno ward. I'm seeing firsthand the awful symptoms of chemo and the emotional pains. It's very unpleasant. I wish there could be more done for these people, especially in America because it costs a fortune. :( All I can say is try your best and remember to take time to relax, even if only for a few minutes. Read, knit, sew, anything to distract yourself for a little while. I send you my best wishes ~~

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  2. OH HONEY! Sigh ... I feel you, dear friend. I feel you. Sending you tons and tons of love and hugs and more love. I understand. I'll light candles for your Momma's health and recovery. I'll light candles for you and hubby. So much love to you.

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  3. I am so sorry for your struggles. *hugs*

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  4. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with so much. As Ladyfair said, please take some time to yourself to relax and do things you enjoy. I hope things get better for you.

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  5. Pf, that sounds rough...I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with all that shit...
    I hope you can get it all sorted soon! /hug

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  6. I am sorry for your problems and your feeling of helplessness for your mother! I hope things improve!

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  7. I'm so sorry for you and your mother! I hope everything will be alright soon. Warm hugs!

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  8. Sorry for the amount of hardships you currently have! I'll keep my fingers crossed that your mum gets well soon. And the finances will get back on track, it just takes time. But you have a job right now and could maybe do commisions for your wonderful quilts?

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's struggles, and all the money issues on top of that. This year I have been only very sporadically in the blog world, and I have missed out on important or difficult things that my blog friends are going through. Don't beat yourself up for "not being strong". I don't think that's a universal trait that most people just pull out in case of emergency, I think most people act a little strange when faced with something like cancer. I hope she starts feeling better soon.

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  10. Wooow, I love it! Enjoy the week honey!

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