Monday, January 23, 2017

Fashioning My Cyber Microcosm: Pressurized Spleen.

Though I have done a lot this past month, last week in particular I managed levels of productivity unfounded in my book.

Even so, the things I have completed are not the things that should have been done in that timeline.
Though I am quite happy to have them out of the way... it does beg the question, was it properly motivated? Or was it really anxiety related procrastination at work.

The idea sounds paradoxical, yet it somehow exists, nay, thrives in me at times; procrastination thy name is anxiety! Or is it the other way around... this one does not know.

I was supposed to have my Etsy shop open by now.
I was supposed to have at least 20 items made ready to list and ship.
At the very least, I was supposed to have my shop icon/logo fully designed.

Instead, I have an organized craft room that has a little less unused bulk that it once did, a formidable challenge renting space in my brain and table in the form of a sheath dress with princess seams but ultimately a personal project, a quiet and small obsession for certain games, and a surfeit of questions/solutions dealing with the daily minutiae.

I find myself imperceptive of the fact that later is better than never, and finding in some part of my brain that never might just be better than at all... it's quite good at convincing me...

These echoes of the past, these ill-fitting advices consumed as truth, 
knocking over every foundation I attempt to build like an ominous pendulum-- an anti-anchor. Words that keep me drifting in a sea of doubt.


2 comments:

  1. Well, an organized sewing/craft room is not the worst that can come out of procrastination! But now get your butt into gear and work the grownup stuff. I believe in you! You can do it!

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  2. I dunno ... maybe you're procrastinating because you're feeling like it's not the right path? I find that's what is usually holding me back when I'm doing everything except what I've told myself I'm supposed to be doing. But hey, that's just me! Don't stop heading in that direction because of anything I say! I'm just blurting out random shit. lol

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