Fashioning My Cyber Microcosm: Talk to Spooky.

Source: I Feel Sick

I haven't been myself... I mean, I am trying but something doesn't feel like it's clicking the way it used to anymore.

Yesterday was mother's day, and it wasn't a happy one. Amidst all the wonderful wishes of children to their mother's and mother's to their mother's, I sat there bitter and resentful.
I phoned my mother; Sunday was a particularly rough day after her chemo. The pain was obvious in her voice-- as she struggled to smile over the phone, my heart broke some more.

I am not doing a very good job of staying strong for her.
I was never a strong person; prone to anger and resentment. I blame the world, and I blame myself, and I just get jammed, inevitably inert.

Her insurance has been giving her issues, and life has been made more of a struggle because cancer does not stop the bills from coming. I help her where I can, but it doesn't stop the feeling of helplessness.

I spent a week up there a couple weeks ago to see her. I met her on the uphill of another session of chemo, so we could not spend much time out of the house-- I tended to her burns caused by the chemo and all the usual household happenings. Doctor's weren't very clear as to why the burns happened, but with a little research it would seem that the chemo was simply administered incorrectly-- causing rashes and scorches on all the sensitive skin of her body, especially the injection point.
We managed to keep them from getting infected, and the swelling down; it healed well, with the help of green tea bags and aloe gel.

I came home and my husband tells me that the issue with the sink is much more severe than just a mucky p-trap... the issue resides under the house-- neither one of us are know or qualified to tackle.
Last week, I had to help my mother with some rather substantial help because of this issue with her insurance.
My own finances are starting to show signs of wobbling, but we're alright still and we can bounce back fast if we just buckle down tight.

We get a call this morning-- we owe an inordinate amount of money from our move here to New Mexico.

Fuck.